20.

When I see the old pictures of you, I get this deep pang in my chest. Yes you’re here with me now, we ended up together, but I would give tremendously to go back in time and run into the arms of that boy. Because, despite what happened later, I know that boy was faithful to me. He would have been so upset with this version of you, as I cried in his arm telling him everything you did. I would have been able to grip him like a lifeline, inhaling the smell that was my peace. These are the things I have not been able to articulate. That such a large part of me, mourns that person of the past. That person that I considered my soul mate. The connection I felt with him was unlike I had ever experienced, or have since. He was everything. I miss him constantly.

I think that’s why I still cling to the We Ride Dirty, falling apart, black T-shirt. It belonged to him. The boy who loved me.